Empowering Your Inner Peace

By Carlos Barboza

Every time I have a chance to walk 30 minutes in order to maintain my good workout habits and be alone to reflect on things that happened to me that day, I listen to music, news or any book. Recently an interesting title came up: “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.” I purchased the audiobook and, ever since that night, my traditional exercise walks transformed from 30 minutes to almost two hours.

This book, written by Mark Manson, offers a refreshing and candid take on personal growth and happiness. This bestselling book challenges conventional self-help advice by advocating for a more realistic, grounded approach to life’s challenges. Manson argues that embracing our limitations, accepting uncertainty, and prioritizing what truly matters can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life. 

The meaning of this book is being selective about what you give a f*ck about. We live in a world that gives us so many opportunities and choices, so why do we live in a world of unhappiness and stress? Easy, because we try to do everything at once, we spread ourselves too thin and, in the long run, we burn out. We need to teach ourselves to focus on what matters, and the author explains how to figure this out.

At its core, this is a book about finding what’s truly important to you and letting go of everything else. In the same way that he encourages limiting exposure to mindless distractions such as social media, television and technology, he encourages limiting
concern over things that have little to no meaning or value in your life.

We live in a world that gives us so many opportunities and choices, so why do we live in a world of unhappiness and stress?

When we constantly look for the positive and search for states of happiness, we are not grounded in reality. Because the reality is that, “Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.” If you figure out what is meaningful to you, you basically choose what problems you want to tackle. This not only empowers you, but it can be a source of happiness. You get rid of the victim mentality and actually solve problems.

Here are a couple key insights from the author:

1. Embrace Uncertainty: Life is inherently uncertain, and trying to control every outcome is a futile effort. Manson suggests embracing uncertainty as a natural part of the human experience and learning to adapt and grow through life’s ups and downs. Society tends to highlight the extreme, but most of us are average, and this belief will help us to realign our values to ones that benefit us, without judgment or lofty expectations; therefore, you will have a growing appreciation for life’s basic experiences.
2. Accept Limitations: We all have limitations, and that’s okay. Instead of striving for perfection or comparing ourselves to others, Manson encourages self-acceptance and embracing our imperfections as integral parts of who we are.
3. Define Your Values. Suffering can lead to great things, but if you don’t have the right values, you will never be happy. Many people tend to focus on bad values, so it’s important to find some good ones that we can believe in. Rather than seeking external validation or adhering to societal expectations, Manson urges readers to define their values and live according to what genuinely matters to them. By aligning our actions with our core values, we can lead more meaningful and fulfilling lives. Examples of good values: honesty, innovation, standing up for others, self-respect, charity, humility. Examples of bad values: dominance through manipulation or violence, indiscriminate, always being the center of attention, not being alone, being liked by everybody, being rich for the sake of being rich.
4. Take Responsibility. Personal responsibility is a recurring theme in Manson’s philosophy. He emphasizes the importance of taking ownership of our choices, actions, and emotions, rather than blaming external factors or circumstances for our problems. Don’t expect shortcuts. Expect pain and suffering. And that’s the point of it all. Struggles in life are inevitable, and problem-solving the obstacles that mean the most to us are the foundations of a good life. One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.
   
   When we take responsibility, we learn. When we learn, we improve. Sometimes we feel like victims, but positive change only happens when you take full responsibility for your life. Charles Peirce, an American philosopher, mentioned that we are all 100% responsible for our lives, and many times we want to blame society. A typical example could be couple relationships, perhaps you have experienced a breakup in the past, and generally you’ll blame it on your ex; still, have you asked yourself if you also had failures in that relationship? Think about it.
   
5. Embrace the Negative: Contrary to popular belief, Manson argues that embracing negative experiences can lead to personal growth and resilience. By reframing our perspective on adversity and viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, we can build a more resilient mindset.
6. Mortality. “Memento mori” is a Latin phrase that translates to “remember that you must die.” Humans are terrified of death, so they try to live beyond it. Don’t focus on immortality, focus on the here and now and seek happiness. Be mindful of your own mortality and others. This will change the way you live your life. This is a common thread among most self-improvement books. And rightfully so. Contemplation and acknowledgment of your own mortality helps you live a better life. Mason says, “Death is the only thing we can know with any certainty. And, as such, it must be the compass by which we orient all of our other values and decisions.”

“We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at.
If we’re unwilling to fail, then we’re unwilling to succeed.” –MARK MANSON

The book draws you in. It forces you to pause and think deeply. I very much identified with this book, because the difficulties that life has given me have taught me that I must embrace adversity, focus on what I can control, take responsibility for my actions. And above all, this book helped me strengthen my values that allow me to reach a level of satisfaction (something that is very different from the search for happiness) and to have peace of mind with myself and radiate that energy with the external world, without the need for approval or denial from others. You are the only owner of your happiness and that is what really matters, and without realizing it, the world will value it because once you experience these benefits, you’ll get a sense of relief and a newer understanding of who you really are. Blessings.

Carlos Barboza is the owner of Eco Green Auto Parts, Orlando, FL. Their website is https://ecogautoparts.com and they can be found on Facebook @ecogreenautoparts.